Frankie Frost/Marin Independent Journal
Barry TompkinsLet me just stop for a moment and take stock. I’m thankful that neither I, nor anyone in my family, have been stricken with the virus that’s stopped the world.
My washing machine still works, so I’m happy to tell you I’m wearing clean underwear.
I went to BevMo! this week, so I’m glad to report that we are amply stocked should prohibition suddenly be mandated.
And I got a haircut from Chuck, the Union Gent, who was kind enough to make a house call after I promised to fumigate the entire premises. I was getting fond of my long, wavy gray hair. Then I realized my hair was still straight — my head has gotten wavy.
And that was the good news.
My son, who is a social animal, has gotten cabin fever to the point that he no longer is banging around the house, he’s banging through the house. There are now so many holes in the doors of his place caused by trying to break out — figuratively and literally — and see people that we no longer need the air conditioner we bought him. Who knows, maybe it’ll catch on.
Our dog, Rosie, spent four days this week in the pet emergency hospital in San Rafael. She appears to be fine now. We, on the other hand, not so much.
Apparently, we didn’t fully read the benefits offered when we signed up for dog insurance when she was a puppy. The cost for temporary residence at the hospital is roughly that of chartering a jet to whisk the family off to a Fiji vacation. It seems our insurance company only is responsible for roughly $2.97. And we think that just covered the price of poop bags.
Meanwhile, the news every day seems like the script to a sci-fi movie. With the exception that most producers would reject it outright for being too unbelievable.
Wells Fargo, one of the oldest banking institutions in America, announced this week that it was in the red big time. It seems the fourth-biggest bank in the land lost $2.4 billion in the second quarter this year. I guess that explains why I got a call from a loan officer at the bank asking me if he qualified to borrow a few bucks. The last time Wells Fargo suffered such a hit was when the stage was robbed somewhere between Missoula, Montana, and Winnemucca, Nevada.
School districts everywhere are preparing for video classes for the remainder of the year, which is great if you know how to teach, have the time and desire to teach, oh, and own a computer and have Zoom capability. “No problem,” says nobody who has to work full-time to put food on the table.
Meanwhile, our president has mandated that all data regarding COVID-19 be sent to his office and not to the CDC. I don’t know if there is any truth to the rumor that he and Dr. Anthony Fauci agreed that all information regarding trade with China would now go to him and not the president. What the hell, we haven’t yet reached the trading deadline.
Finally, if you happen to be reading this and you’re a cow, watch it. It seems that cow belching has now reached the point that it is causing potent greenhouse gas methane to reach dangerous highs. So much so that in a worst-case scenario it could cause a warming of three degrees by 2100.
By that time, I will be in a place that I’m quite sure is considerably hotter, but if you’re a calf I’ve got two words for you: Bromo Seltzer. And cover your mouth.
Barry Tompkins is a longtime sports broadcaster who lives in Marin. Contact him at barrytompkins1@gmail.com.
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July 19, 2020 at 02:05AM
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When the news is like a sci-fi movie - Marin Independent Journal
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